he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are we still banned from the library?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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