bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
