i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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