I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Enjoy the penises
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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