You made me cry and you don't even care
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
