There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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