Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
