just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
