please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
