Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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