Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
