Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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