Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize