Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
