Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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