Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
