oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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