This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry my hands just texted you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
