you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
