I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
