i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
