How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
