Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
