sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
