I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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