You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
