He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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