Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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