I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
