8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
