Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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