Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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