Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
