toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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