He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
