every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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