I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
