the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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