Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
