My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
