Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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