Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
