Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
