So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I smell stomach acid.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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