dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
