the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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