Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
