I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize