The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
