She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.