his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
