I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mom said you looked used
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.