Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
