Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
