I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
