It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
