I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
