took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"