i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life