the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
