I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.