You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
