I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
