Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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