I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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