So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
