went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
