Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
