its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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