she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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