I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
