well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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