with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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