my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
