My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
