My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
